I had a big ol’ blog post ready to put up, detailing the busy week I had last week. In fact, I actually put it up last night. But I took it down this afternoon. It read more like a grocery list, than anything that would actually convey to you what kind of week I had. So I’ll try again.
Last week was busy. It was my birthday. I did some yoga. I did some work. I drank a lot of coffee and I talked to lots of people. It was pretty great, really.
The thing that stands out most about last week was that I had three very distinct, intense visions. The first one was early on the day of my birthday last Tuesday, before I got up. The second came at the beginning of a yoga class on Friday, and the third was yesterday, during a yoga class. They say that stuff can come up, when you do yoga. Word.
On my birthday, I was lying in bed, it was dark and I was floating in and out of sleep. I suddenly identified a big knot in my stomach (if you know me at all, you know that PTSD has left my stomach functioning at a less than optimal level these last few years). In my vision, I untied the knot, and it came apart into lots of thin, colorful ribbons. The ribbons then floated and twisted around until they formed a thick, strong tree trunk. Instead of leaves, the tree was growing money. And pencils.
I can’t tell you how incredible it felt to finally untie this knot. That image will stay with me and I’ve already gone back to it so many times in the last week. Also money growing on my own strong tree is pretty damn cool too. And the pencils? Let’s face it. My “dream vocabulary” isn’t that complicated.
The second vision I had was of a warrior woman. Ach, I almost hesitate to explain it much, because it sounds so cliché. But to be honest, it was an important vision. I think most of my life I’ve been stuck in a sort of gender-neutral purgatory. When I was little, my mom would always lament the fact she couldn’t ever get me into a dress. But at the same time she sent the message that it wasn’t really ok to be a woman. To be a woman meant being helpless or overly vulnerable, which inevitably leads to being hurt. So cover that part up because it’s dangerous.
Well what if you could learn to access the best parts of your feminine and masculine traits? What if it’s really ok to be strong and powerful AND feminine? And what does it mean to be a warrior, anyway? The answers to these questions are different for me than they are for you. I’m still working on mine.
The third vision was during a Yin Yoga class and while I was holding a pose I suddenly had the clear image of fire. Flames everywhere, in my body. But they weren’t dangerous, they weren’t going to kill me. They were burning away everything that I no longer needed to carry around with me. It was a purification.
So – the knot has been untied, the tree is planted and is flowering, the Woman Warrior is in the house and the flames are burning away that which is no longer needed. Holy Smokes.
I get the distinct impression that now is not really a time for action. It is a time to listen, reflect, and take stock. It’s also time to be talking to a lot of people. I’m taking every opportunity I can to meet up with people and make connections. I’m meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends and getting to know people I’ve never known that well a little better. Talk to people. You never know what interesting things you might learn, or what cool stories you might hear – or where your next art project or job might come from.
I’ve also been thinking about this blog. So far it’s always been a place where I just toss up whatever I’ve been thinking about – including short (short) stories, haiku, record reviews, coffee adventures. I think I’ll still do those things, but I’ll also make more of an effort to document this latest chapter of my life in a little more detail.
I don’t think I could have done any of this – quit my job, live in uncertainty and like it, have the freedom to venture out – if my mom were still alive. I feel bad about that. But I also know that’s just me. I think she’s ok with it, wherever she is, and she’s telling me to get over it already. She’s saying, get over it and go have a good cup of coffee and DO things. Word indeed.